Shidduchim: Appearing Holier Than Thou

Appearing “holier than thou” is in contrary to having good Middos, so in writing a Shidduch resume it may be good to not necessarily go in detail in one’s in one’s level of Yiddishkiet. Being clear and to the point is better. Now, if someone does have some specific interests that are worth mentioning, then that’s good. Currently, my resume’s self-description section only says: “I became a Ba’al Teshuva a few years ago. I consider myself creative, caring and somewhat outgoing, passionate about Limud Ha-Torah, and enjoy engaging in Chesed activities. My goals in life are to advance in Limud and to build a good Beis NeAman“. Maybe one or two more sentences should be good. Having to mention something that could invoke Gaava isn’t ideal to write down.

There was once someone who added something in the “looking for” section which I find to be very insulting which is that he explicit stated that she should look very attractive This might not seem very rude or derogatory, but it can invoke the idea that Jewish people as being surface-oriented. It also is…well…very vague. To me, how one look is only relevant if it’s a רמז for something that could be considered hidden to those that are less aware. Therefor, everything on a resume gives away some type of information even if it isn’t a straightforward idea. So if a picture presents someone as being a bit too fashionable, then that may indicate many things about this individual. Another example: If a women mentions taking part in secular events that might not seem as nurturing as helping children, then that’s noticeable. If a woman likes snowboarding or plays in her city’s Orchestra, then that might not be the ideal trait for what a man (such as myself) is looking for (even though I am musically inclined).