Gerushin: Ploni vs Ishto

The following case involves an individual whose reputation is not known by the international Jewish communities and has requested that his name be replaced with the Biblical Jewish equivalent of “John Doe”.

The underlying theme in this story is the lack of loyalty and the willingness to tolerate it. It also highlights the insanity of unstable marital patterns which should not be imitated by anyone.

This story takes place in Lakewood – a town of Torah. It is a place where Reformism and Modern-Orthodoxy has declined and become [almost] impossible to find. Even though many of the details are specific to the case, there are some general points which are actually common in Lakewood and neighboring townships.

There has been controversy surrounding the marriage of Ploni and his wife.. Their marriage was officiated in the house of a rabbi (several years before Corona) in Lakewood, New Jersey where the parents did not attend the ceremony of their children except for the wife’s mother. 

It is important to note that both Ploni and his wife are not the most typical people. They are also from the infamous DC Jewish community. While the parents of Ploni divorced closer to Ploni’s marriage, Ploni’s mother-in-law had been divorced a large number of times. Her first husband (Ploni’s biological father in-law) divorced his wife (Ploni’s mother in-law) after she discovered that he was cheating on her with a goyah. He then married that goyah but wasn’t excommunicated from the DC Jewish Community for this sin. He worked for the Jewish community providing Kosher goods to many important places/events including AIPAC. Most of her current kids, including Ploni’s future wife, were already born at this point.

Then, Ploni’s mother-in-law then married another man. He was an Ethnic Indian who moved with her to India with her children. He later admitted that he lied about being a Jew. But he eventually began dying of an illness, and she remained with him until he died.

Then, she remarried an authentic Jew in Monsey, NY. The strange thing is that they divorced and remarried several times in the same year. Thus, we can assume that Ploni’s wife has no understanding of what a normal, healthy marriage looks like…

Years after she married Ploni, her brother [knowingly] married a woman who was going to die soon. She later died less than a year into the marriage. It is unknown as to the reason why he married her…One can only make their own assumptions.

Some problems were beginning to affect Ploni and his wife. Many of them were being fixed. They did not yet have kids at this point. She had physically seperated herself from him but came back for no reason. This happened several times.

They did have some marital issues which were being resolved, but after spending many months living in a high-quality apartment, the wife of Ploni ran off. She then decided to come back to a living situation much worse than the one she was in because Ploni could no longer stay in the apartment due to issues pertaining to her emotional instability.

The couple then lived in a lower-quality home. She claimed that she was perfectly fine with it and denied the fact that it was not a normal way to live. It was certainly not as good as the previous place…After a few months of that, the night before they were planning to move into a nice basement apartment, she ran off again…Ploni did not know where she ran off to. Then, after 8 months of being separated from her husband, through social workers she claims she wants a גט…

On Wednesday at the end of Adar 5781, when Ploni showed up to the בית דין, he had no idea what he was getting himself into. The toein, representing him in בית דין, had no real experience dealing with this type of case while the wife of Ploni did not show up to the בית דין but instead, hired an experienced toein – lawyer or representative in בית דין. The Social Workers of the wife certainly have a lot of financial abilities as they were able to pay for a toein that charges hundreds if not thousands of dollars per hour.

Ploni assumed that his wife had social workers involved in her case and that the social workers hired the toein. This “toein” is known for using gangster-like tactics in his other dealings. He is responsible for many problems in the Jewish communities of Lakewood, New Jersey…

One notable issue was that Ploni was there to represent himself and speak about his problems (with merely the help of a toein) which could lead to Ploni being seen as incompetent while Ishto was not representing herself. And the toein of Ishto did not know the entire story as much as the toein of Ploni did.

During the time period between Ploni’s wife walking away from her husband to the first session in בית דין, the wife or her social workers had attempted to contact the BDA. Now, it has been claimed in arbitration papers, which Ploni and his wife signed prior to the separation, that the divorce of the couple can only use a specific בית דין for giving a גט. This בית דין was located in the part of New Jersey where they were married. She has also refused, on multiple occasions, to sign a mutually consented civil divorce document which would have sped up the process. These recalcitrant actions demonstrate that Ploni’s wife is refusing a divorce from her husband.

On separate occasions, Rabbi Gestener (not part of the בית דין) and the toein of Ploni’s wife both told Ploni (on separate occasions) that if he gives a גט, he would be absolved of any claims since there were no claims against him. During the case, the בית דין and the toein, unanimously, were trying to see if Ploni could make שלום בית as a possible outcome, but Ploni said that it wouldn’t be possible because of her erratic behavior…If a husband claims שלום בית, then he is not obligated to give a גט, but in this case, it gets more complicated than that. The Av Beis Din (Primary Judge) says that the קידושין is valid meaning that the ability to annul the marriage is impossible.

Later, during this session, they tried to convince him to give his wife a גט using “claims” against him – supposedly by her. Ironically, they originally claimed that there were no claims against him…Ploni denied all of these claims because they were false. The toein threatened to use blackmail to coerce Ploni into giving a גט by saying that he would expose various private details in the personal life of Ploni if a גט was no given.

Due to the sensitive nature of what those private details are, it should be important to note that this could be a federal crime due to the spreading of inappropriate information. Note, none of these private details involve illegal activities but merely involve the discussion on sensitive topics that could lead to Lashon Hara. This toein is also known for endangering the Jewish community and is generally hated by most people.

Ploni did not want to give a גט because he knew his wife was hiding something from him, so he left the בית דין without a resolution to the case. He was told to come exactly a week later – perfectly on time. It was only at the beginning of that week (before the second hearing) that he found out that she was, in fact, hiding something from him. She was hiding a child…

Ploni’s wife never told her husband that she was pregnant. She never even told her mother that she was pregnant. Ploni did not know that his first son was born two months prior. It was only brought up in indirect ways before she left him. He was not even invited to the ברית מילה. He doesn’t even know his son’s Hebrew name. What’s more shocking is that she didn’t even tell the toein or בית דין that she was interested in divorcing her husband because of this son.

The second session of בית דין was scheduled the next Wednesday – exactly one week after the first session. Ploni was not late. The day before this session, Ploni tried to call his wife to ask about the welfare of his son. His number was blocked (even though it was not blocked the week before). In theory, it was blocked because Ploni’s wife found out that a friend of Ploni’s was told about the son (implying that Ploni would eventually find out). It was a miracle, from Hashem, that before the next בית דין session, Ploni would learn the truth.

Allegedly, the revelation (to the friend) about the son came about by accident as he was not intending to see if Ploni or his wife had a son…It is thanks to Hashem that this miraculously divine coincidence of events was formed so that Ploni would learn about the birth of his son before going to the בית דין to give a גט.

He called his wife with a work number, and she told him that she was never intending to tell him about the child or let him see the child on his own accord. He made many simple requests  such as the right to see the son and know the son’s name. These requests were denied…

The baby boy had a blood transfusion shortly after his birth. Because the father wasn’t present, the nurses assumed that the blood of the baby would be compatible with his mother. It turned out to make the baby ill due to the blood type being incompatible. It is likely that his blood was compatible with his father. This information was relayed in the same phone conversation.

Consequently, the Social Workers of Ploni’s wife then helped her put a restraining order on her husband, Ploni. He had no idea a restraining order was put on him until during the second session (using the time and place of the first session) which they knew he would attend. He did not know that there would be police officers coming to serve him a restraining order…

The police came to serve Ploni the restraining order. To Ploni’s knowledge (as well as his wife) but not to the knowledge of anyone else, Ploni had issues with his car that was something he could be arrested for. Ploni’s wife, with the [possible] help of her social workers, were either directly or indirectly responsible for massering (arresting) her husband because they knew this could happen. Because of this, Ploni was in jail for a day. 

Mesirah (מסירה) is a serious sin. A Jew can not “inform” or “turn in” another Jew to the Secular or Non-Jewish authorities (Ḥoshen Mishpat 388). The act of מסירה creates a threat to the arrested individual and the entire Jewish community because it gives the Non-Jewish government the impression that they can arrest any Jew for anything. From being targeted by the authorities, he could risk being killed. Therefor, the sin of מסירה is akin to murder. A “Moser” (מוסר), or its feminine conjugate Moseret (מוסרת), is the label for the individual who commits this sin. A מוסר can be killed for this sin because he is a danger to the community. He risks having no share in the world to come. The same is true for the מוסרת. If they remain alive, then they have the status of Non-Jews in regards to day-to-day life. What they cook isn’t kosher, and they can not be included in a minyan. The Rambam has extensive commentary on this Rambam (Hilchot Chovel UMazik 8:9).

Because the restraining order prevents Ploni from contacting his wife, he is not able to give a גט which is why when the leading rabbi in the בית דין offered him a גט in exchange for being bailed out during his imprisonment, he refused…To the knowledge of Ploni’s mentor, he assumed that Ploni would be bailed out because of another individual that Ploni was working with at the time. It was idiotic to think that bail would incentivize divorce. In fact, it would be a גט מעושה…The entire event of מסירה was an embarrassment to Torah. The toein said that he is considering backing out of the case because his client withheld information about the child and restraining order. No normal lawyer could possibly represent such a client.

During the secular court hearing, the accusation against Ploni, made to the secular court, is that Ploni had physically harmed his wife. The exact date that was mentioned was during the 8-month time period where they weren’t together. This proves that his wife is a liar. She lied under oath to a secular government because it benefits the selfish interests of her heretical social workers. It is morally wrong to falsely accuse another Jew of a crime he didn’t commit (Exodus 20:13).

The Social Workers were able to spend thousands of dollars on a lawyer in order to make this restraining order into a reality. Anyone who thinks that women are at a disadvantage, in matters of divorce, are in sheer denial of the amount of funding women get by various organizations that help them in their divorce.Ploni’s wife is a גט refuser, a מורדת, and a מוסרת using secular law to avoid Jewish law when it’s convenient for her. Because of a secular restraining order, her husband can not give her a Get. She has made her husband into an Agun (עגון). She is not an עגונה because of her own actions and the actions of these “social workers” who have many resources at their disposal.. She is dishonest, her social workers are deceitful, manipulative people, and we do not recognize their words in any בית דין. There will be no interest in moving forward with a גט until the secular restraining order is removed and [she] signs an agreement that she will not litigate him in any court. She is not entitled to the right to remarry until then.

Epilogue

This story isn’t the only one of its kind. The destructive nature of Social Workers and Marriage Counselors/Therapists has had a negative impact on many families in Lakewood. Some have only made the situation worse. Many might appear as Orthodox Jews but do not represent Jewish values.

One of the common themes that these Lakewood cases have,  is the usage of a restraining order. It is actually quite common for NJ wives to put restraining orders on their husbands, and many [seemingly] Religious Jewish women see no guilt in getting the secular government to throw their husband out of the house using a government-enforced restraining order. These husbands get arrested for doing nothing in violation of הלכה, but these wives don’t care about the הלכה.

But who condones this? Are there any rabbis that approve of this sinful behavior? Well, unfortunately, the answer is “yes”. There are rabbanim and askanim in Lakewood that encourage the destruction of the Jewish family. They see nothing wrong with helping a wife-in-need even at the expense of her husband and their children. These divorcing families usually have kids, and it does not turn out well for them.

There needs to be more rabbinical involvement to prevent this from abuse and [unjust] alienation. Any rabbi who sits, on the sidelines of this, is a coward.